Its not a cure?!? Did you catch the first time? "This is not a cure. I am just a vessel used by God to do his will!" (Insert jaw drop here) Don't feel bad if you missed it the first time....I did too! But there I was sitting in church, I do not remember what the sermon was even about...and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I heard it in the very depths of my soul....this is not a cure!
Over the next couple of weeks, I began to attend Celebrate Recovery.
Hi! My name is Sandy! I am a believer in Jesus Christ! And I am a food addict!
Over the next few months, I attended large group and the A-Z class. I then stepped out in faith and signed up to do a Step Study. 12 steps to freedom!
1. I admit that i am powerless over my addiction and compulsive behavior and my life has become unmanageable.
(I thought I was managing just fine)
2. Came to believe that a power great than myself, could restore me to sanity. (Sanity....yay!)
3. I made a decision to turn my will and life over to Christ's care and control. (Completely...His Will)
4. I made a searching and fearless inventory or myself (wow that could be depressing)
5. I admitted to God, myself, and another human being the exact nature of my wrongs. (Thanks to a wonderful sponsor who allowed me to "emotionally vomit" without judging me)
6. I was entirely ready for Hod to remove all the defects of character. (This was hard or me...I liked some of my defects)
7. I humbly asked Him to remove all my shortcomings. (Ok...if I have too)
8. I made a list of all the persons I had harmed and becoming to make amends to them all. (I became willing!?!)
9. I made direct amends to such persons whenever possible, except when to do so would hurt them or others. (Wow this was hard....but it was healing and opened lines of communication in so many ways)
10. Continue to take personal inventory and when wrong, promptly admitted it! (Most of the time...not perfect)
11. Sought through prayer and mediation to improve my conscious contact with God, praying for knowledge of His will and the power to carry it out! (This is necessity)
12. Having had a spiritual experience as a result of these steps, I tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principals in all my affairs. (Spread the healing power of Jesus...amen!)
I have been part of the leadership team for my local CR for more than a year. I have learned to control my urges to binge eat and use food as an emotional crutch...for the most part.
I still struggle and God is still working on me daily!
Most recently I received a blue chip (that is the 1st step in CR) and the red (for 30 days) to work on my issue of what types of food I put on my mouth. Although I had beat the addiction, I still made poor food choices. God convicted me once again "honor God with my body"
Monday, February 4, 2013
Friday, January 18, 2013
Post surgery ups and downs
Wow post surgery was a roller coaster of epic proportion! I lost 17lbs in the first 4-5 days! I was so excited to see that drop every morning. (I do not recommend weighing your self every morning) Then it STOPPED! Not slowed down stopped, like both feet on the brake! What?!?! So for 3 weeks...yes 3, I did not lose 1lb. I was devastated! At this point I could only eat about an ounce of food at meal. So to put that into perspective...a sugar free jello cup could be my meal for the DAY! I could only drink sips of water and could not drink anything 30 minutes before or 30 minutes after I ate! So to be eating like this and not lose 1 stinking pound was heartbreaking! I would pray, "God I know you brought me to this for a greater purpose....please reveal it!" I did not go through this to lose 17lbs! I was frustrated and I cried A LOT! But as I would pray, peace would fill my spirit! Jeremiah 29:11----I know the plans!!!!
After 3 weeks of agony, the weight started dropping off! I was able to eat more but watched what I ate because somethings actually made me physically ill! There were times I would cry because I could not eat what I wanted or as much as u wanted. I would eat something I knew would make me sick...just for the pleasure before the sickness!
By the 1 year mark...I had lost 93lbs. I went from a size 22-24 to a 10-12! I felt great! Maybe a little too great! Have you ever gotten to the pout where things are going so smoothly that you forgot about how far you have come and even who gave you the strength to get through it?
and I thought "Thanks God....I got this!"
After 3 weeks of agony, the weight started dropping off! I was able to eat more but watched what I ate because somethings actually made me physically ill! There were times I would cry because I could not eat what I wanted or as much as u wanted. I would eat something I knew would make me sick...just for the pleasure before the sickness!
By the 1 year mark...I had lost 93lbs. I went from a size 22-24 to a 10-12! I felt great! Maybe a little too great! Have you ever gotten to the pout where things are going so smoothly that you forgot about how far you have come and even who gave you the strength to get through it?
and I thought "Thanks God....I got this!"
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Answering Prayers
So apparently my first post was a "cliff-hanger" and i hate keeping people in suspense....so here is the next small chapter in my struggle to restore God's temple.
So about a week or so after my "challenge" prayer, I was shocked by a conversation that my husband initiated on the way home from my parents. Out of the blue, he said "If you think that gastric bypass is something that would help you get healthy, then I will support you 110%!" Hello?!? Am i hearing things correctly? earwax maybe? Seriously? Check 1 God!!!!! (Did I mention I did not share my prayers with anyone, including my husband!)
So the weeks went on and I decided to go see my GP about the surgery and get his opinion! He thought I was a perfect candidate and recommended a doctor to contact. (I don't need a referral...my dad and uncle had great surgeons, I'll just use one of those.) So I went home and started doing my research...online of course. My mom and dad called and asked what I was doing, I explained my research. So mom asked if I was going to have the surgery, I was still unsure what to say, so I told her I was researching, but was not even sure insurance would cover it, and if it did, I still could not afford the $2400 deductible. Her response..."well your dad and I have been talking (why are you talking about me?) and dad thinks you should have the surgery...it will give you a better quality of life and help you get healthy" ----"that's fine mom, but I probably cannot afford it. i would have to figure out a way to pay for it!" Mom, "well, your dad and I have been talking about that too ( ??did I mention I had not told anyone about this journey yet??) and if the only thing keeping you from having the surgery is money, then your dad and I will pay your deductible" what? "Mom I do not know when I will be able to pay you back" Mom- "I did not ask you to!"
OK check 2! Got chills yet? Or still skeptical that those were just coincidence?
So my dad asked who I was going to use if I have surgery, I told him probably his or uncles dr. He said "if you trust your dr to heal you when you sick, why do you not trust him to refer you to the surgeon you should use?" ---he was so right!
So I called the bariatric center and got all the paperwork filled out that is needed just to meet with the doctor. Surgery is a big deal! So we were approved by insurance in 3 weeks (that's fast) and we scheduled the consult. I went to see him in March....still not sure I could do this. When I met Dr. Sherrer, he seemed great, very attentive and understood my goals of a healthier me. He too thought I was a perfect candidate. As we were leaving his office, he grabbed the door and said something that almost made my knees buckle, "This is not a cure. I am just a vessel used by God to do His will" SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! What!!?! It was in that moment, that I had a complete peace for what I was about to do! Thank you Heavenly Father for providing me clear and indisputable answers to my prayers and concerns!
On April 17,2009, I had gastric bypass...and I would love to tell you that was the end of my journey, but It was truly only the beginning!
The picture is from my husbands graduation, May 19th. 1 month after surgery!
So about a week or so after my "challenge" prayer, I was shocked by a conversation that my husband initiated on the way home from my parents. Out of the blue, he said "If you think that gastric bypass is something that would help you get healthy, then I will support you 110%!" Hello?!? Am i hearing things correctly? earwax maybe? Seriously? Check 1 God!!!!! (Did I mention I did not share my prayers with anyone, including my husband!)
So the weeks went on and I decided to go see my GP about the surgery and get his opinion! He thought I was a perfect candidate and recommended a doctor to contact. (I don't need a referral...my dad and uncle had great surgeons, I'll just use one of those.) So I went home and started doing my research...online of course. My mom and dad called and asked what I was doing, I explained my research. So mom asked if I was going to have the surgery, I was still unsure what to say, so I told her I was researching, but was not even sure insurance would cover it, and if it did, I still could not afford the $2400 deductible. Her response..."well your dad and I have been talking (why are you talking about me?) and dad thinks you should have the surgery...it will give you a better quality of life and help you get healthy" ----"that's fine mom, but I probably cannot afford it. i would have to figure out a way to pay for it!" Mom, "well, your dad and I have been talking about that too ( ??did I mention I had not told anyone about this journey yet??) and if the only thing keeping you from having the surgery is money, then your dad and I will pay your deductible" what? "Mom I do not know when I will be able to pay you back" Mom- "I did not ask you to!"
OK check 2! Got chills yet? Or still skeptical that those were just coincidence?
So my dad asked who I was going to use if I have surgery, I told him probably his or uncles dr. He said "if you trust your dr to heal you when you sick, why do you not trust him to refer you to the surgeon you should use?" ---he was so right!
So I called the bariatric center and got all the paperwork filled out that is needed just to meet with the doctor. Surgery is a big deal! So we were approved by insurance in 3 weeks (that's fast) and we scheduled the consult. I went to see him in March....still not sure I could do this. When I met Dr. Sherrer, he seemed great, very attentive and understood my goals of a healthier me. He too thought I was a perfect candidate. As we were leaving his office, he grabbed the door and said something that almost made my knees buckle, "This is not a cure. I am just a vessel used by God to do His will" SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! What!!?! It was in that moment, that I had a complete peace for what I was about to do! Thank you Heavenly Father for providing me clear and indisputable answers to my prayers and concerns!
On April 17,2009, I had gastric bypass...and I would love to tell you that was the end of my journey, but It was truly only the beginning!
The picture is from my husbands graduation, May 19th. 1 month after surgery!
Restoring the temple
I want to journal my thoughts and struggles. I have tried different avenues to help keep me accountable to I thought why not blog it?!
I have struggled with my weight for 1/2 my life. I have done this both publicly and privately. I have bounced up and down like a yo-yo.
In January 2009, God spoke to me through a Sunday School lesson that I was teaching, 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 "did you not know your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, you are not your own, you were bought with a price, so honor God with your body" Seriously?!?! I have to tell these sweet children to honor God in all things. Ok so drugs and purity, I can handle, I had struggles in those areas, but God has delivered me from those evils....but FOOD? Seriously? Can you say hypocrite? I cannot in good conscience tell them they should eat healthy, in moderation and do physical activity knowing I had done none of that!
So I began to pray, helpless and broken. Dear God, show me your way! Show me what you want me to do! I have tried on my own and it is just not in me. I need your direction!
So I prayed and prayed...and He kept leading me to gastric bypass? Hello God? Are you there? I want to honor you...gastric bypass is the easy way out! Please tell me your direction for my health and weight! Gastric Bypass kept coming up...so I decided to put God to the test (technically it was more to strengthen my faith, not God having to prove anything to me...so I prayed!
"Dear God, I am broken and ashamed, I cannot do this on my own, I've tried! Please show me clearly what your will is! If it is truly Gastric Bypass then you need to handle the 3 issues that keep me from saying yes! 1. You have to get my husband on board! He is very against the surgery and does not feel it is what I need. 2. You need to find a way for me to pay for it. I refuse to use money that would come out of my family budget...I do not what my children to do without because I am too fat! 3. I need to hear and audible
Voice that says that this is Your will for my life" not too much right!!?!
I have struggled with my weight for 1/2 my life. I have done this both publicly and privately. I have bounced up and down like a yo-yo.
In January 2009, God spoke to me through a Sunday School lesson that I was teaching, 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 "did you not know your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, you are not your own, you were bought with a price, so honor God with your body" Seriously?!?! I have to tell these sweet children to honor God in all things. Ok so drugs and purity, I can handle, I had struggles in those areas, but God has delivered me from those evils....but FOOD? Seriously? Can you say hypocrite? I cannot in good conscience tell them they should eat healthy, in moderation and do physical activity knowing I had done none of that!
So I began to pray, helpless and broken. Dear God, show me your way! Show me what you want me to do! I have tried on my own and it is just not in me. I need your direction!
So I prayed and prayed...and He kept leading me to gastric bypass? Hello God? Are you there? I want to honor you...gastric bypass is the easy way out! Please tell me your direction for my health and weight! Gastric Bypass kept coming up...so I decided to put God to the test (technically it was more to strengthen my faith, not God having to prove anything to me...so I prayed!
"Dear God, I am broken and ashamed, I cannot do this on my own, I've tried! Please show me clearly what your will is! If it is truly Gastric Bypass then you need to handle the 3 issues that keep me from saying yes! 1. You have to get my husband on board! He is very against the surgery and does not feel it is what I need. 2. You need to find a way for me to pay for it. I refuse to use money that would come out of my family budget...I do not what my children to do without because I am too fat! 3. I need to hear and audible
Voice that says that this is Your will for my life" not too much right!!?!
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